Captain's Log
The internal, and sometimes, external emotional turbulence of the Fearful Avoidant seemed to never fail in resurfacing triggers that I thought had long been buried at sea.
They all use the same Siren's Song to draw you closer, but while the melody is similar, the destination is different. So how do you distinguish a safe harbor from a shipwreck? The answer lies in the INTENTION.
I admit. I am drawn to partners with an avoidant attachment style - especially the dismissive avoidants (DA). it just felt easier to request closeness, than to constantly push away an anxiously attached partner, always clamoring for attention or validation. An avoidant partner will usually fulfill the request - provided that it didn't get TOO close - a tradeoff I was once willing to endure. My own avoidant side feared engulfment, so having a partner who was more stoic 'saved' energy. However, that illusion of peace wasn't calm seas, but a total lack of wind. Without the wind to fill the sails, there was no motion. This type of dynamic wasn't sailing me into the sunset, or even keeping me safe in the harbor, it was keeping me dry-docked.
I was trying to survive a deep-sea environment with tools made for a sandbox. Except for that anchor. But I kept it stashed away because, to me, to be "anchored" was to be trapped & floating seemed like a much better option.
How does online dating trigger your attachment style?
We all enter relationships—with partners, friends, and family—with a hidden, invisible script guiding our every move. Why do some of us panic when a partner is slow to text back? Why do others feel the urgent need to pull away when things get too serious? And why do some of us feel like we're constantly running hot and cold, desperately craving connection one moment and pushing it away the next? The answer lies in your attachment style.
